I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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