Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
