Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
