isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
