Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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