I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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