Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
