after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
