Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
