i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I didn't notice because vodka
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
