Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize