If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
