A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So squirting runs in the family.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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