I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
