i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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