just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
