I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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