Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
