So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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