hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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