Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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