i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it hurts more in the daytime
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
