I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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