Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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