I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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