He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
