she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
