OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
