Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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