omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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