Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize