Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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