she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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