Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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