worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
