summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize