I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Randomize
