Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
