I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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