My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
