No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
