No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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