Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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