I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
