i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
