He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
