just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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