i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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