I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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