Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
