Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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