We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
