I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
