I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
