Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
