I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize