I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Please don't give away my fajitas
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
