I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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