planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
