Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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