I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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