so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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