And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
