he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
