and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
