my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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