OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
