You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
