I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
